KHUTAB V: 9. CHILD AND WIFE-BEATING IN ISLAM
9. CHILD AND WIFE-BEATING IN ISLAM
Before dealing with wife-biting
claimed to have been practiced among Muslims, I would like to speak about the
culture of beating. Since I was born in Indonesia where I lived over
twenty-years, lived in Egypt over ten years, and in Saudi Arabia four years, I
would like to talk about beating in these areas.
In Indonesia, the culture of beating
school children was practiced during the Dutch and Japanese occupations, even
till the early 50s. It was one of many ways of punishing them for not doing
their school assignments, and for their bad behavior. We could understand that,
as we did not have any qualified teacher. The education and teachers of
elementary schools at that time were 6 year Dutch elementary school (Kweek
School) with an extra teaching training about two years, and sometimes as
apprentices. In late 1946 or early 47, when I was at grade 2, an inspector come
to our class testing the apprentice teacher in counting: “Four and a half plus
four and a half?” The apprentice answered: “Sembilan, tuan!” (Nine,
sir!). Even I myself can answer that easy question.”
That was in government
schools. In the madrasahs (Islamic religious schools) where most of the
subjects taught were Islamic and Arabic, physical punishment mostly with
beating the hand and the foot with a stick was also practiced and was accepted
in the community. With minor mistakes, pulling the ear was also practiced.
Among the Arabs, especially the ancient Arabs,
beating was common and was acceptable. There are many Arabic proverbs,
mentioned it, such as
a. العَبْدُ
يُضْرَبُ بِاْلعَصَا وَ الْحُرُّ يَكْفِيْهِ الإشَارَة“The slave is beaten with stick [to discipline him], whereas for
the free-man gesture would be sufficient.”
b. اْلعَصَا
لِمَنْ عَصَى
“Sticks are used for those who disobey.”
c.
ضَرْبُ
اْلحَبِيْبِ أَحْلَى مِنْ أَكْلِ الزَّبِيْب “The
beating of the beloved-one is sweeter than eating sultanas.”
d. ضَرْبُ
اْلمُعَلِّمِ تُسْلَمُ أَيْدُه “The
beating of the teacher (instructor, master) is accepted with appreciation.”
The second caliph ‘Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb was known for
his strict rule and beating people. Some examples are as follows:
a.
He beat people who performed the abrogated recommended 2 rak‘ah
(units) prayer after ‘aṣr (late afternoon) prayer. It was also reported
that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbās did the abrogated recommended 2 rak‘ah, probably
to discourage people from delaying their ‘aṣr obligatory prayer till
sunset.
b.
He beat a person who came to his office while he was busy. He realised
his mistake, and demanded and insisted retaliation from him, but the person
also insisted to forgive him.
c.
He beat the slave-girl of Anas family when he saw her covering her
head. He told her: اكْشِفِي رَأْسَكِ، لَا تَشَبَّهِينَ
بِالْحَرَائِرِ “Uncover
your head, do not be like free women.”
d.
He beat Ubayy ibn Ka‘b with an udder as a reprimand when he saw him let
people walk behind him (out of respect). He also beat his son ‘Ubaydullah for
drinking alcohol.
As a last resort the
Prophet ordered parents to beat their children if they do not pray at the age
of ten. But if the parents pray their children would also pray following their
examples. He said:
مُرُوا
أَبْنَاءَكُمْ بِالصَّلَاةِ لِسَبْعِ سِنِينَ وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا لِعَشْرِ
سِنِينَ ...
(رواه أحمد و النسائي و الترمذي و الطبراني و البيهقي)
Order your children to pray at the age of seven, and
beat them at the age of ten (in order to pray)
(Reported by Aḥmad, al-Nasā’ī, al-Tirmidhī,
al-Ṭabrānī,
and al-Bayhaqī)
إِذَا
بَلَغَ الْغُلَامُ سَبْعَ سِنِينَ أُمِرَ بِالصَّلَاةِ فَإِذَا بَلَغَ عَشْرًا
ضُرِبَ عَلَيْهَا
(رواه
أحمد و النسائي و الترمذي و الطبراني و البيهقي(
If the boy reaches the age of seven he shall
be ordered to pray,
and be beaten at the age
of ten (in order to pray)(Reported by
. Aḥmad, al-Nasā’ī,
al-Tirmidhī,
al-Ṭabrānī, and al-Bayhaqī)
In mid 50s teachers in Egypt still
used stick to discipline their pupils and students. I witnessed myself a
director of al-Azhar high school for foreign students used to have a stick in
his hand to chase students into their classrooms when the time for class was
starting. It happened in early 1959.
Beating the students’
palm-hands by their teachers as punishment was common in elementary and junior
secondary school, especially in rural areas in Saudi Arabia. As a teacher at
the secondary school (1969-1973) I was told to do the same, which I did
reluctantly. When I rebuked a student for his misbehavior, he raised his palms
to be beaten as punishment before being asked. It was a gesture to end-up my
reproach. This happened in 1970.
A student himself would
give his teacher a good stick as a present to be used to discipline his
students, and he knew that one day he might be “the victim”, and I as a teacher
received one. At that time it was acceptable for a teacher to beat his
students’ palms exclusively to discipline them.
In the first half of the 20th century
corporeal punishment was accepted as an effective means to discipline pupils of
elementary schools among the Arabs and Indonesians. However, students of senior
high schools, let alone university students, are mature enough, and have enough
responsibility and good character that beating is no longer necessary. There
are many other ways of punishing students rather than using corporeal
punishment.
In about 1994 an Indonesian friend of
Arab descent in Sydney told me that his daughter complained to him of her
teacher’s corporeal punishment. He went to her school, met the principal and
the teacher, and told him, “I don’t mind if you punish my daughter, as long as
you do not break her bones.”
Some Muslims beat their wives for various
reasons, such as: to show that they are the masters of the house, being raised and
occasionally beaten by their parents, and
saw their fathers beating their mothers, being mentally ill, misunderstanding
the Qur’ānic verses dealing with family
lives, and thinking that wife-beating is normal, like beating school children.
Ghawwār,
a 20th century well-known actor among the Arabs for his satirical remarks, in
one of his films he was married to his cousin. When his wife complained to him
for beating her, he said, “It is alright, you beat the children, and the
children would beat the children of our neighbour,” as if beating is normal and
not to be fussy about.
Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.
who was sent as an example for Muslims, never beat his wives, but treated them
the best treatment. He detested wife-beating and beating women in general. He
said:
لا
تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ (رواه أبو داؤد و ابن ماجة
و
النسائي و أحمد و ابن حبان)
“Never
beat God’s handmaidens.”
(Reported by Abū Dā’ūd, Ibn Mājah, an-Nasā’i,
Aḥmad ibn Ḥanbal, Ibn Ḥibbān).
He also said,
يَضْرِبُ
أَحَدُكُمُ امْرَأَتَهُ ضَرْبَ الْعَبْدِ، ثُمَّ يُعَانِقُهَا آخِرَ النَّهَار (متفق
عليه)
“Could any of you beat his wife as he would
beat a slave, and then lie down with her in
the evening?” (Bukhari and Muslim).
خَيْرُكُمْ
خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ, وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي (رواه ابن ماجه)
The best among you is the one who
treats his
family the best, and I am the best in treating
family. (Reported by Ibn Mājah).
خِيَارُكُمْ
خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ (رواه الترمذي)
The best among you is the one who treats his
wife the best (Reported by al-Tirmidhī)
‘Umar who was known for his hard
treatment did not beat his wife. A man came to his house to complain to him
about his wife’s mistreatment. He waited at his door and heard ‘Umar’s wife
treated him harshly. The man left home, but Umar saw him and called him. When
he was asked the purpose of his visit he said that it was about his wife’s
mistreatment, but he saw that even the caliph ‘Umar’s wife mistreated him and
he tolerated it. ‘Umar said that it was because his wife had done lots of
things: baking, cooking his food, washing his clothes and raising his children.
He advised the man to tolerate his wife’s mistreatment and said that it would
not last long.
The Qur’ān which was
referred to permitting wife-beating is as follows:
...وَاللَّاتِي
تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ
فَإِنْ
أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا
كَبِيرًا (النساء:34(
And to those women on whose part you
see ill conduct,
admonish
them, and abandon them in their beds, and beat
them, but
if they return to obedience, do not seek
a means
against them. Surely, Allah is Ever
Most
High, Most Great. (Q. 4: 34)
However, this beating, if it is absolutely
necessary, is only the last resort if the wife “has become guilty, in an
obvious manner, of immoral conduct” which is the interpretation of the term “nushūz”
mentioned in the verse. When admonishing her failed, then abandoning her in her
bed. According to the Qur’ānic commentators al-Suddī, al-Daḥḥāq, ‘Ikrimah and
Ibn Abbās, it includes “not to speak with her or talk to her.” Ibn ‘Abbas also
said that it includes “to lie on her bed with his back to her.” When this also
fails, then beating her as the last resort, but it should be done “in such a
way not to cause pain (ghayr mubarriḥ)”. The well-known commentator of
the Qur’ān al-Ṭabarī mentioned the view of earlier scholars that the beating
should be only symbolic, with a piece of siwāk (a small stick used for
cleaning and polishing the teeth after softening its tip) or anything. Another
early Qur’ānic commentator al-Rāzi said that the beating should be very light
even with a folded handkerchief. Many great early scholars such as al-Shāfi‘ī said
that although beating is permissible, it should be avoided following the
Prophet’s own personal feeling on this matter. (See commentary of Muhammad Asad
on this verse in his translation of the Qur’ān entitled The Message of the Qur’ān
on this verse):
Following the teaching and the example of the
Prophet beating women in general and wives in particular should be banned in
this modern time. The outdated tradition of child beating should be stopped,
and instead, understanding the motives of children’s behaviour would help us in
making them behave better.
An article entitled “Disciplining
Your Child without Beating” by UNICEF Jamaica and Parenting Corner gives
us some advices among which are as follows:
-
Physical punishment sometimes causes serious physical and emotional
damage to children. Some of them get used to it and means nothing to them.
Others may rebel and act out against it.
-
The parents should set the right example for their children, and follow
the rules they have set. If the children do something wrong, give them a
time-out - that is make them sit in a quiet place away from others. It also
will give the parents to cool off and the children to think about their
misbehavior. Then they discuss the problem with their children.
-
Another option is to take away their favourite toys, or preventing them
from playing with their friends for a particular period. The parents should
praise, reward and show lots of love and trust to their children when they do
well.
-
The parents should spend time, communicate with their children, and
encourage them to speak freely with them. (CIVIC, 01.03.13)
المراجع:
المكتبة
الشاملة
تفسير الطبري
تفسير
القرطبي
لفسير ابن
كثير
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