KHUTAB IV: 10. MIXED-MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND NON-MUSLIMS

 10.  MIXED-MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS

 AND NON-MUSLIMS

Brothers in Islam,

          One of the problems faced by people especially the Muslims in this era of globalization is the mixed-marriage and its consequence, not between two different cultural backgrounds, but of two different religions. What is meant by mixed-marriage here is between (a) non-Muslim males and Muslim females, and (b) Muslim males and non-Muslim females, as follows:

A.  Non-Muslim Males and  Muslim Females:

It is prohibited for a non-Muslim male to marry a Muslim female. This is the unanimous opinion of Muslim scholars, based on the following Qur’ānic verses:

1.    وَلاَ تُنْكِحُوا اْلمُشُرِكِيْنَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُوا (البقرة : ٢٢١)  “…and give not (your daughters) in marriage to mushrikīn [i.e., pagans, idolaters and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah, and His Messenger Muhammad s.a.w] till they believe (worship Allah Alone)” Q. 2:221)

 2.      فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوْهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَاتٍ فَلاَ تَرْجِعُوْهُنَّ  إِلَى الْكُفَّارِ لاَهُنَّ حِلّ لَهُمْ وَلاَ هُمْ يَحِلُّوْنَ لَهُنَّ (المُمْتَحَنَة :١٠) “…and if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not  back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers ,nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them.” (Q. 60:10). Should this marriage not be dissolved there would be danger of falling back to infidelity, as husbands are generally strong in influencing their wives to their tradition, religion and way of life, whereas wives have generally more tendency to follow and obey their husbands.

3.    أُولئِكَ يَدْعُوْنَ إِلى النَّار وَاللّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَ الْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِه ... (البقرة : ٢٢١)      “…they [the idolaters] invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave…” (Q. 2:221). Infidelity will definitely lead to Hellfire, whereas Allah calls people to Islam which will lead them to Paradise and His forgiveness. Although this verse mentions the idolaters (mushrikīn) which were the vast majority of eople in the early period of Islam, they include any kind of infidelity, so that a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.

4.    وَ لَنْ يَجْعَلَ اللّهُ لِلْكَافِرِيْنَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِيْنَ سَبِيْلاً (النساء : ١٤١) “…And never will Allah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers.” (Q. 4:141). As Islamic law disallows the wilāyah (sovereignty, rule, close association, allegiance, loyalty) of non-believers (including People of the Book, namely, the Jews and the Christians) towards the believers in general, it includes marriage.

B.  Muslim Males and Non-Muslim Females

Muslim males are allowed to marry non-Muslim females exclusively among the Ahl al-Kitāb (the People of the Book). They are the Jews and the Christians, based on the Qur’anic verse:  أَنْ تَقُوْلوْأ إِنَّماَ أُنْزِلَ الْكِتَابُ عَلَى طَائِفَتَيْنِ مِنْ قَبْلِنَا... (الأنعام  : ١٥٦) “Lest you (pagan Arabs) should say, ‘The Book was sent down only to those sects before us (the Jews and the Christians)…’” (Q. 6:156). The permission for Muslims to marry women among the People of the Book is based on the following verse:

الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَ طَعَامُ الَّذِيْنَ أُوْتُوْا اْلكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ

وَ اْلمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَ اْلمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِيْنَ أُوْتُوْا اْلكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا

آتَيْتُمُوْهُنَّ أُجُوْرَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِيْنَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِيْنَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِي أَخْذَان... (المائدة : ٥)

Made lawful to you this day are al-t.ayyibāt [all kinds of

halal (lawful) food, which Allah has made lawful (meat of

slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables

and fruits). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of

the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to

you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage)

are the chaste women from those who were given the Scripture

(Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given

their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his

wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e.,

taking them in legal wedlock) not committing

illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking

them as girl friends… (Q. 5:5).

In this verse Allah gives permission to marry chaste women among Muslims as well as among the Jews and the Christians, as chastity is an important factor for the success of harmonious married life.

The permission for Muslim males to marry Jewish and Christian women (who are not hostile but friendly to Islam) is that both Judaism and Christianity have many things in common with Islam. Both also belong to revealed religions, they believe in one God, angels, prophets sent by Allah to guide human beings, the Scriptures as well as the Last Day. Because of this similarity it would not be difficult for these wives to convert to their husbands’ religion, Islam. Moreover, they would feel comfortable that some of their faiths are shared with those of their husbands. The case would be different if their husbands were non-Muslims and did not share the beliefs of their wives.

There are many examples in Islamic history where Muslims married Jews and Christians, among which are ‘Uthmān ibn ‘Affān r.a. married Nā’ilah bint al-Farāfis.ah, a Christian who converted to Islam at his presence, and H.udhayfah r.a. who married a Jewish woman from Madā’in (Ctesiphon, former capital of the Persian Empire).

Although it is permitted in Islam for a Muslim to marry a friendly Jewish or Christian woman this act is not recommended, but makrūh (reprehensible), according to H.anafī and Shāfi‘ī schools, and in one view, also Mālikī school. The H.anbalī school considers it an act of disregarding what it preferable, namely, marrying Muslim women. It is because ‘Umar  r.a. told those who married women among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) to divorce them and they did except H.udhayfah r.a. When ‘Umar r.a. told him to divorce his Jewish wife, he asked:

Do you bear witness that she is h.arām (unlawful) to marry?”

      “No,” said ‘Umar, “but she is khamrah (‘intoxicant, wine’), divorce her!”

What ‘Umar meant is that these Jewish and Christian wives, because of their beauty, temptation, persuasion, nice words, like an intoxicant, you could lose your sound judgment, and forget the time for prayer and other religious obligations. It is said, لَوْ لَا النِّسَاءُ لَعُبِدَ اللهُ حَقٍّا حَقًّا “if it were not for women, Allah would have been worshiped very truly.” Some people “worship” women because of their beauty.  Here lies the danger of “love at first sight” for people who cannot control their emotion.        

H.udhayfah repeated the same question, and ‘Umar repeated the same answer. Finally he said to ‘Umar: “I know that it is ‘intoxicant’, but she is h.alāl for me.” However, eventually, he divorced her. When he was asked whether he did so because of his obeying ‘Umar, he said: “I do not like people seeing me doing what I should not do.”

In another report ‘Umar sent a letter to H.udhayfah asking him to divorce he wife, so that the Muslims would not follow his example and marry beautiful Jewish and Christian women rather than Muslim women. In fact, this mixed-marriage is harmful to the Muslims. Unless a Muslim has become so attracted, so attached, to this kind of woman that he “can no longer live without her”, like what we used to hear “love is blind”, that “she has blinded his mind”, then he is allowed to marry her with the consequence that he might eventually lose his faith in Islam.

After marriage and the honey-moon, there might be another story. Can you stop your Christian wife from drinking alcohol and eating pork? They are all “h.alāl” in her religion. Can you be close to her when the smell of alcohol is still in her mouth? If you try to stop her, in retaliation, she might stop you from praying and fasting. This means mutual interference with each other’s religion. If you have children, the children will be confused, either to follow his father’s religion or his mother’s, or both, namely, on Friday they go to the mosque, but on Sunday they go to church. Raising our children in Islamic way in this Christian environment is difficult enough, let alone having a Christian family in the house.

It would be much safer for our marriage to have a wife of the same religion of Islam although with different tradition, nationality and cultural background rather than a wife of the same ethnic and cultural background but with different religion. Having the same religion means having the same way of life, and other differences are minor ones and can be compromised. You could raise your children in Islamic way because they can learn from you, as Muslim parents, and you both are their earliest teachers. As husband and wife you have the chance to learn and appreciate each other’s culture, language and tradition, and this will broaden your mind. You will start appreciating and enjoying various foods: Middle-Eastern falafel, Indian tandooree, Malay-Indonesian satay, etc., depending on your background. The most important thing is that both of you are taking the same way to Allah’s pleasure and eventually to Paradise.

     Here are some examples of the danger of Muslims marrying non-Muslims of the “people of the Book.” Emmanuel Manoppo, the only son of the head of the Indonesian Council of Churches who converted to Islam in the early 1990s and changed his name to “Effendi Hadi Rais” said that one of the activities of the Christian missionary in Indonesia was to instruct their youth to have influence upon Muslim girls. He said that in order to marry these girls they often pretended to be Muslims. After they had children they forced their wives to follow them to become Christians. He said that the Indonesian Council of Churches received funds from within the country as well as from abroad, especially Italy, Vatican, Australia, the USA and Germany.

Some years ago, a Muslim passed away, and the funeral prayer was conducted in the mosque, but none of his children attended the prayer. They and their mother waited outside the mosque, because they were all Christians, although they belonged to the same country of origin.

Long time ago, in the early 1980s, a man passed away in Edmonton, Canada. He had married to a Christian Canadian woman. When his friends tried to wash, conduct the funeral prayer and to bury his body in the Islamic way, his wife refused to give them his body. He was then buried in un-Islamic way. They found out later that while he was admitted to the hospital he had filled the form stating that he had no religion. He might have been ashamed to claim to be Muslim at that time being among the vast majority of Christians.

     A Muslim friend was married to his Christian cousin. She was a daughter of a Catholic priest who had several children. One of them became Muslim, the youngest son who was regarded as strange, for being the only Muslim in the family. As my friend’s wife was a strong Catholic, following in her father’s footsteps, their two sons also became Catholic. This made me very sad, but guidance is only from Allah Alone.

     Marrying a non-Muslim girl among the people of the Book (Jewish and Christians) is tantamount to depriving a Muslim girl from having one chance to get married, as she is not allowed to marry except a Muslim boy. She can only choose one among Muslim men who choose her. We have many unmarried girls in the Muslim world, and their number is much higher than that of Muslim boys. Moreover, there are many Muslim widows as victims of conflicts. We know that the majority of refugees in the world are Muslims, and the majority of people who are involved and die in these conflicts are Muslim males. (ANUMA 15.04.09)