KHUTAB IV: 13. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IN JEOPARDY
13. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IN JEOPARDY
(ANUMA 07.07.09)
Brothers in Islam,
One of the prominent Muslim scholars in Indonesia last
century was the late Dr. Muhammad Rasyidi. He was the first Indonesian
ambassador to Saudi Arabia,
from 1945 till 1950, and to Egypt
from 1950 to 1952. He was graduated and obtained his Ph.D. at Sorbonne University
in Paris. One
day he was questioned by an employee of immigration somewhere in Europe probably when he was still student there, whether
he was married or still a bachelor. As he was still unmarried at that time, he
answered, “no.” Then he asked the next question:
“Do you have children?” He felt offended and asked:
“What do you mean with this question, when I
have answered that I am still a bachelor?” The employee said,
“Being unmarried does not necessary mean one does not
have children.” At that time living
together illicitly and having children was not longer a taboo, but tolerated as
a fact.
In mid 1970s a chief cook in a five star hotel in Montreal became
acquainted with a woman who was originally from Europe. They loved each other
and later lived together. At that time it became normal for a man and a woman
to live together without being married, and no body could interfere with their
private lives. After living together for several months, they thought that they
were compatible, and it was time to strengthen their relationship through
marriage. They got married through civil marriage. After about two or three
years of marriage they separated and finally divorced. The woman decided to
return to Europe.
It happens many times that people who have lived
together as a husband and a wife, lived happily before marriage. Each of them
behaves very nicely to keep them together; each of them hides their true nature
and character, fearing that they would separate easily any time. Once they got
married, the condition changed. Their true character and nature cannot be kept
secret any longer. They are no longer free to come and go as they used to be
without any interference. They have right and obligation towards each other.
Marriage is a commitment. Sometimes they could not stand this commitment and
their marriage ends up with separation and divorce.
A friend from Bangladesh, at that time was still East Pakistan, told me
this story: A family with a child (a little girl, if I am not mistaken)
attended a wedding party. The party was so interesting and fascinating to the
little girl. She asked her parents:
“When are you also going to get married?” Her parents answered:
“We did it before.”
“Then why did not you take me to your wedding?” The
little girl was still too young to understand that according to Islam a couple
could only procreate after being legally married.
Now, in this early 21th century, it is possible that a child, an
illegitimate one, can go and attend the wedding of his parents. The parents of this
bastard do not call each other “husband” and “wife”, but “a partner”, because
they are not married. This is the opposite of Islamic teaching, marriage first
then procreation. The child born of pre-marital sex is not counted, as an
illegitimate child if the parents had married before he was born although he
was illegitimately conceived. It is said that one of six children born in the United States
are illegitimate.
There is misconception about love among youth. Boys
deceive girls into suggesting that sex is a proof of love. It may be true among
married couple, but not among unmarried people. You do not prove love through
sin. This reminds me of my friend who told his future wife, “Before marriage
you are my sister.”
What is bastard, or illegitimate child? It is a child born out of
wedlock, as the result of sinful sexual conduct. As the result of the so-called “new morality”
thousands of children are being born to unwed parents and unborn children
murdered through abortion, legal or illegal. The statistics for 2004 revealed that 35.7
percent of all births in the U.S.
were to unmarried women and that the percentage of unmarried mothers increased
for all ages and races. The increase translates to almost 1.5 million children
being born were to unwed mothers last year, up significantly – four percent –
from 2003. Over half of births to women in their early twenties and nearly three
in ten births to women aged 25–29 were to unmarried mothers, while four out of
five teenage women who gave birth were unwed. In Taiwan, every year over
5,000 babies are born to teenage mothers out of wedlock and more than 24,000
abortions are performed among women under 20 years of age, a local foundation
reported yesterday.[1]
In 2003, 14% of all Australian
households were single-parent families. Since 2001, 31% of babies born in Australia were
born to unmarried mothers.[2]
Many of these mothers may not be single parents, as they may simply live with
their supportive partners without getting formally married.
The proportion of children born outside marriage varies widely among
countries. In Europe, the average is 31.6%; national figures range from 3% in Cyprus to 55% in Estonia. In
Britain the rate is 42% (2004); in Ireland, 31.4%.
In April 2009, the National Center for Health
Statistics announced that nearly 40 percent of babies born in the United States
in 2007 were delivered by unwed mothers (though the figure was only 28% for
white women).
The 1.7 million out-of-wedlock births, out of 4.3 million total births,
represented a more than 25 percent jump from five years earlier.[3]
Time keeps going on, and the institution of marriage in the Western
world becomes in jeopardy in the Western world, including Australia. They make
their own family law, and this law can change from time to time based on the
condition of the time. Now, some allow marriage of the same gender.
You can adopt a child, but in Islam he is still and
will remain the son of his father and mother, and you can only be a foster
parent. No matter how you love him he is always “a stranger” to you because
there is no blood relationship between you and your foster child.
This case is not so in the Western world. Once you
adopt a child, his biological father and mother, gone! They have no right to
claim the child, and they become “a stranger” for him. He belongs to your
family and he has the same status as your children, and they are not allowed to
marry each other, although they have no blood relationship, as they are,
according to this law, “brothers and sisters.”
According to Western concept and definition,
Adoption is the legal process which permanently
transfers
all the legal
rights and responsibilities of being a parent fromthe child's birth parents to the adoptive parents.
Zayd Ibn Ḥārithah r.a. was adopted by the Prophet s.a.w.
before Islam prohibited adoption. He used to be called Zayd ibn Muhammad (son
of Muhammad) until adoption was prohibited, then he was again called after his
real father Ḥārithah.
Adoption which
legally making another person's child your own regardless of whether that
child's parents are known or unknown is completely ḥarām in Islam. Allah says
ادْعُوهُمْ لِآَبَائِهِمْ هُوَ
أَقْسَطُ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ تَعْلَمُوا آَبَاءَهُمْ
فَإِخْوَانُكُمْ فِي الدِّينِ وَمَوَالِيكُمْ (الأحزاب
: ٣٣)
Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their
fathers, that
is more just with Allah. But if you know not
their father's
(names, call them) your brothers in
faith and your freed slaves. (Q. 33:5)
Adopting a child just to educate him and take care of him since this
child has no guardian or because he is poor is permissible, even highly
rewarded, especially if the child is an orphan. The Prophet s.a.w. said:
َأَنَا وَكَافِلُ الْيَتِيمِ فِي الْجَنَّةِ
هَكَذَا وَأَشَارَ بِالسَّبَّابَةِ وَالْوُسْطَى
وَفَرَّجَ بَيْنَهُمَا شَيْئًا (رواه
البخاري)
I and the one who takes care of an orphan, will
enter Paradise together like these" and he raised
his
forefinger and middle finger jointly leaving space
between them.
(Reported by Bukhārī)
It is important to remember that taking care of a
child, nursing him or rearing him does not entail any of Shari'a rulings such
as inheritance and so on. So, what to do, then? Write a will, and it should
not be more than one-third of your wealth to your adopted child.
Allah sent Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. with revelation as guidance in our lives,
including family lives. This revelation contains laws to protect the religion
of Islam, to protect our lives, to protect our property, to protect our family,
and to protect our community. Sometimes its rulings looked harsh, but natural
law which is also from Allah looked harsher. Look at the natural disasters,
such as tsunamis, earthquakes, floods. We cannot control them, but we can avoid
them through early warning. The same with the divine law; if we disobey Allah
there will be punishment here or in the Hereafter. Disobeying and abandoning
Allah’s divine law of marriage will end up with confusion in family life.
Comments
Post a Comment